‘If we don’t talk about it, how will people know?’: Domestic violence survivors tell their stories and call for action at Spokane vigil

While experiencing domestic violence, Angel Tomeo Sam felt “invisible, judged and dismissed” by the world.

Only caregivers meeting her where she was at allowed her to survive.

“They didn’t ask me to be perfect before I could be helped. They didn’t shame me; they showed me love, patience and care, and that love became the first step in my path to healing. I stand here today because someone believed I was worthy of care even in my most broken moments,” she said Wednesday night.

Tomeo Sam was among several dozen domestic abuse survivors and allies who gathered in Riverfront Park to commemorate the beginning of domestic violence month.

The YWCA Spokane event was meant to remind survivors not to be ashamed and to share their stories.

“Domestic violence awareness month serves as a great reminder to all of us to check in with loved ones, with colleagues, friends and family. Because domestic violence thrives in isolation. By showing up and offering support, you’re able to help interrupt that cycle of silence,” Jemma Riedel-Johnson, YWCA Spokane community engagement lead.

Spokane Mayor Lisa Brown remembered catharsis when as a young woman she marched in Take Back the Night protests in the 1980s.

“And we gathered very near here at almost sundown, and we marched through the streets at night, saying we have a right to be here. We have a right to be safe. We have a right to be together. And so it’s very gratifying to be here now,” she said.

Brown said the city is committed to “listening to and supporting survivors” under her leadership.

“We can break the cycle. We can create new future for new generations, and we stand together with you as we do that,” she said.

Anna Shawver brought her 7-year-old son to the vigil – hoping survivors’ stories will help him as he grows.

“I don’t want to necessarily shield him from the real world. I felt like this was a good way for him to show respect, but also maybe learn a little bit,” she said. “Awareness is so important. We have to talk about it. If we don’t talk about it, then how will people know?”

Cindy Kelly said she was proud to call herself a survivor

“I’m a survivor of a man who tried to end my life twice. You shouldn’t be afraid or embarrassed to tell your story,” she said.

According to the Spokane Regional Health District, approximately one in three women and one in 10 men will experience domestic violence in Spokane County over their life. In Washington state, one in seven murders is committed by a former or current intimate partner.

Tomeo Sam said those statistics were even more striking among native women, claiming more than 83% of Indigenous women will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes.

“But my story is not mine alone,” she said. “Domestic violence is the number one reason why native women are murdered in these United States. So when our relatives go missing, too often, their cases vanish into silence.”

According to Tomeo Sam, the violence will not end through awareness alone, but also action.

“It means choosing every day to meet survivors with care, not judgment, with respect, not pity. Believe healing is possible because it is, even if a survivor cannot see it yet,” she said.

For the month of October, poems and original artwork by domestic abuse survivors can be found in installations along the trails in Riverfront Park.