Annie’s Mailbox: Readers weigh in on dividing estate among children

Dear Annie: “Your Opinion Please” said he originally planned to split his estate 60/40 in favor of his son (successful) and daughter (who had mental health issues, including drug abuse). You made valid points about not punishing the daughter for past mistakes. You did miss one:

If their daughter had suffered from a more traditional medical problem like cancer, I seriously doubt they would be dividing up the estate unequally. I have several chronic illnesses and potentially deadly allergies. I know my parents spent more money on my health care than my sister’s. Still, they divided everything 50/50, and my sister was fine with that. If a lump sum of money would endanger the daughter’s recovery, then a trust is appropriate. – Be Fair

Dear Fair: Many readers weighed in on this with opinions of their own:

Dear Annie: What message would the parents be sending to their child who worked hard and was a person of integrity? The message is that all that hard work and being a stand-up guy was of no value to them. What message does it send to the grandkids? Be bad or be good – it doesn’t matter. Do what you like because in the end you will get the same. – You Made a Bad Call

Dear Annie: I was the good child who cost my parents very little, while they paid to bail my brothers out of jail, get their utilities hooked up when they were turned off, etc. And my brothers were stealing from my parents when they had the chance. When our parents died, the estate was evenly split. It doesn’t bother me because I will always have more money than my brothers. I have had a productive life while they struggled. If it had been unevenly split, they would have resented me. This way we can still have a civil relationship. – Glad It Was Split Evenly

Dear Annie: What he doesn’t seem to realize is that it’s not about the money, but about which child Daddy loves more. The daughter is being told that not only is she being punished for prior bad acts, but also that Daddy doesn’t trust her to be responsible in the future. Does he keep a ledger for each child, adding up the pluses and minuses? All this father is doing is bequeathing a lifetime of anger and resentment. The best thing he can do is to split the estate equally, put both in trust or neither in trust, and leave it at that. He should not try to control his adult children from the grave. – Living Well Is the Best Revenge

Dear Annie: The father has several legal options to make the bequests more equal, and there are good reasons for not giving a massive lump sum to someone who can’t handle money. For example, the father can write a will that gives the first half-million to his son, with the rest divided equally. Or, over the next several years, he can gift his son and/or his son’s children money so that, upon his death, the remaining estate can be split 50/50. Putting the daughter’s share into a trust protects both her and her brother. People who are bad with money often burn through a windfall and end up bankrupt. And if she’s broke in 10 years, she’s going to turn to her brother, who might spend most of his bequest bailing her out. – A Lawyer in Massachusetts

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@creators.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. You can also find Annie on Facebook at Facebook.com/AskAnnies.