Potlucks acceptable if agreed to by everyone

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a small group of friends who like to get together regularly to have dinner and socialize, which is fun. Most of the group have limited funds and very small apartments with no dining area, and can’t accommodate our group.

I recall that Miss Manners has said proper etiquette dictates the hosts should provide the evening’s dinner and drinks. We have enough space to handle the group, but not the budget to entertain everyone as regularly as we’d all like. Trying to entertain regularly is taking a financial toll.

It has been suggested that we switch to hosting potlucks so we can get together as a group more than once or twice a year. What are Miss Manners’ thoughts, and does proper etiquette allow for the potluck?

GENTLE READER: Of course it does, presuming that all parties to it are agreeable.

What you have mistaken as a total ban is her objection to the bait-and-switch scheme by which people issue social invitations to those who are subsequently ordered to contribute to the catering.

This has become so widespread that many guests feel they cannot show up to social events without bringing food that they expect to be served. And that creates a problem for truly hospitable hosts, whose menus have been sabotaged by unexpected additions.

But Miss Manners has no objection whatsoever to a frankly cooperative meal among people who have agreed on this form. She is not quite such a killjoy as you have been led to believe.