Could move away bring them closer?

Dear Annie: I was divorced many years ago and raised my daughter primarily on my own because my ex-husband was an alcoholic. When I left him, I was financially responsible for my daughter. When she went off to college, I paid her tuition and all expenses for the first three years.

She now has a good job, is a hard worker and is kind to her boyfriend and friends. But to me, she loses her patience, gets snotty and rarely takes time to see me. We live two hours apart, and she is always too busy when I’m in her area. She never invites me to stay with her. When she comes here, she spends her time visiting other people. I’m just her hotel. For Mother’s Day, I got the free gift that came from a purchase she made for herself.

I have tried to talk to her about these things and she says it’s the “same old sob story” and doesn’t have time to listen. Now her job is relocating her to Florida, and I’m having a hard time wanting to help her move. She’s asked if it’s OK with me that she goes, but I told her it doesn’t really affect me. There’s always a telephone if she wants to talk, and that’s the only communication we have had for a while. She blocked me on Facebook several years ago. She has maligned me to family and friends and convinced them that I was a bad parent.

Could the distance be a positive thing for us? I feel as though I’ve lost my daughter. I did everything for her to succeed in life, and she treats me like I’m nothing. Am I an embarrassment to her or just not a good enough mom? – Hurting

Dear Hurting: Neither. Your daughter doesn’t understand why she should treat you differently. Other than good grades, you expected little from her and that’s what you got. This move could be a good thing, since it will force you to focus on things other than your daughter, and she will stop assuming that you will always be desperate for her attention. But you need to develop a fulfilling life totally independent of her.