Behind the madness
So many kinds of Gonzaga fans; which one are you?
But it could be argued that the particular strain of contagion annually contracted in Spokane is especially virulent. We have the opposite of herd immunity here. We have raging Zags fever and adults with rich, full lives kneeling in front of their TVs whispering “Please, please, please, please, please…”
Why?
Theories abound. The fact that Spokane is one of the few places in the country with a home-team rooting interest every year partly explains local obsession with the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. As you undoubtedly know, today is Selection Sunday. And on every thusly appointed Sabbath of this century, fans of the Gonzaga University Bulldogs have gotten to see their team listed among the competing schools in what has come to be known to citizens of Cliché Nation as the big dance.
Skiing conditions might be iffy. The wheat yield could disappoint. Your daughter’s boyfriend might be less than she deserves. But you can always count on GU going to the tournament.
Surely though, there’s more to Spokane’s passion for college hoops than the predictability of the Zags sharing network screen time with beer commercials in March.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there are so many different kinds of fans. Perhaps the result is a hearty social stew.
Let’s consider, just to pick some random number out of thin air, 16 varieties.
No need to raise your hand if you see yourself.
The Civic Booster: Likes basketball well enough, but is mostly excited about a winning team from Spokane performing on the national stage. Likes to say: “Hey, that announcer actually pronounced ‘Spokane’ correctly.”
The Brackets Manager: This fan spends so much time fretting about his office pool entries that his workplace productivity, never very high, plunges to a negative number. Likes to say: “Kentucky is ripe for an upset.”
The Closet GU Basher: Will ride the bandwagon as far as it goes but is ready with remonstrations when the Zags lose. Likes to say: “I told you so! That soft WCC schedule just doesn’t prepare them.”
The Assistant Coach: Apparently believes Mark Few can hear him or her yelling at the TV during games. Likes to say: “Get him out of there now!” and “Why on God’s green Earth are you playing zone?”
The True Believer: Thinks this is the year, every year. Likes to say: “Just six more wins, baby!”
The Insider: Wants you to view him or her as a member of an elite inner circle surrounding the GU basketball brain trust. Drops names like crazy. Might or might not have actually coughed up a lot of dough to support Gonzaga athletics. Likes to say: “Kevin is a very determined young man.”
The Refereeing Consultant: Not only offers candid commentary on the performance of the officials during televised games but also remembers every alleged missed call since the peach basket era. Likes to say: “Oh, for the love of…”
The Repeater: Spends Selection Sunday recycling tired expressions such as “body of work” and “on the bubble.” Likes to say: Whatever the talking heads just said.
The Perspective Keeper: Enjoys the camaraderie of rooting for the Zags with friends and family. Admires the players’ competitive spirit. Takes pride in the notion that the GU kids do not make a mockery of the phrase “student athlete.” Thrilled by dramatic victories but doesn’t lose composure over disappointing losses. Likes to say: “Man, what a game.”
The Mannequin: Doesn’t really care much about basketball but thinks he or she looks fetching in snazzy Zags apparel. Like to say: “I got this shirt last spring after they lost. It was 50 percent off. Are there any more chips?”
The Stats Guy: Knows the numbers re: every situation that can come up in a game. Likes to say: “The metrics suggest pressing right now is ill-advised.”
The Class Act: Roots for the Zags with molars-grinding intensity but is willing to acknowledge it when an opposing player makes an outstanding play. Likes to say: “I wish that guard they have would leave for the NBA at halftime.”
The Conflict of Interest: The GU fan who will not be able to believe his eyes while watching the unveiling of the tournament field this afternoon. He will see the Zags paired against his own alma mater in a first-round game. Likes to say: “What am I supposed to do, root for a tie?”
The Mother Bear: When she sees a Gonzaga player flagrantly hacked, tripped or elbowed, she emits a guttural growl as she instinctively starts to rise up out of her chair in the direction of the opponent on the TV screen with whom she wants to have words. Likes to say: “I wish I could get my hands on that No. 30.”
The “We” fan: Realizes it is the players who have to grab the rebounds and make the shots but still feels partly responsible for every victory because of a firm belief in the power of positive thinking. Likes to say: “I willed that free-throw to go in.”
The Classic Fan: Loves how rooting for a team happily connects you to people with whom you might have nothing else in common. Realizes basketball is not the most important thing in the world but savors how a close game can take your mind off real-world worries for a couple of hours. Likes to say: “Go, Zags.”