Faith and Values: ‘Stand’ in space inclusive of others

Dear Katie, Claire and Andy,

Thank you so much for the stimulating dinner conversation at your Hillsboro home earlier this week! As proud as your grandma and I have been of you your whole lives, we find we are also proud of your growing maturity. We can see you, at (nearly) 18, 15 and (just) 12, in new ways.

I don’t even know how it happened. One moment we were having an ordinary evening meal with our grand-gremlins. The next moment, we watched you and your parents begin talking about some heavy-duty subjects in the news this past week, plus some issues faced by a few of your friends. It took me a moment to believe the maturity of what I was hearing.

Your mom and dad have always tried to teach you, by word and example, to be inclusive of others in your own attitudes, words and actions. The other night, I saw that you are learning well. I heard you affirm a few friends who are seriously wrestling with their own sexual identity.

You obviously support them in their searches. You live in a much different teen culture than Grandma and I grew up in. Homosexuality and transgender issues were not part of our awareness, other than a few negative slurs about “queers.”

At that time, everyone thought that homosexual behavior was only a choice, not a physical orientation. Today, the scientific evidence is showing more conclusively that homosexuality is part of some people’s DNA, just as heterosexuality is part of other people’s DNA.

Unfortunately, scientific findings don’t easily persuade some persons to reconsider their prejudices about so many things in our culture. For instance, I was sad when Andy told us of a boy who wore a pink costume for Halloween and was turned away from some homes because “boys don’t wear pink.” Goofy!

We talked about quite a few kinds of prejudice at the dinner table the other night. I was so proud that all of you were genuine advocates for people who are discriminated against in one way or another.

You’ve seen your mother absorb unthinking – dare I say stupid? – comments because she is Mexican. You know that’s wrong. But you are learning how to respond to narrow attitudes with a more inclusive attitude. You are living your learnings well.

As you get older, kids, I hope you will continue to trust the inner sense of fairness as it grows inside of you now. That is a major part of what I believe God hopes we would all develop. We all need to learn that spiritual meaning goes well beyond our own selves. It must include others.

You are learning that where you “stand,” metaphorically speaking, is a space big enough for others to stand alongside you – even when they aren’t the same as you are, or when they think differently than you do.

I think that is always the best place to stand. It is where we intuitively know we are “at home,” where we don’t have to insist that anyone who comes into our space must believe exactly as we believe.

It is where we live in a flexible space where others who come there can believe as they choose; yet they know they are free to consider other options that might improve their lives in unexpected ways.

That’s a radical hospitality I believe is “endorsed by God.”

You stand in an emotional and spiritual space that makes you a stronger, healthier person now. And you will be a stronger, healthier person as you become young adults. I am so thankful! Love, Grampa