Faith and Values: Set record straight about true love

When it comes to love, our culture really needs to hit the reset button.

Consider the recent clamor over “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

In case you haven’t heard, the best-seller-turned-movie tells of a college graduate who agrees to play the submissive to a sadistic millionaire.

As embarrassing as it is to write those words, even more embarrassing is that the film’s marketers chose a Valentine’s Day release date and tout their film as a love story.

Seriously?

In reality, the mere premise of this fiction by E.L. James glamorizes violence against women and offends decency, let alone a right understanding of love.

That the book was written and a movie produced is not surprising. But it is a bit surprising – and immensely disappointing – that the novel has sold nearly 100 million copies and the movie figures to bring in even more dollars.

The disconnect between consumption and conscience is stunning.

And so, in the interest of rightly informing conscience, here’s a quick refresher on true love. It’s given to us by love’s author, God, who still tops the all-time best-seller list for his work, the Bible.

True love empowers a man and a woman to live together in a way that brings glory to God. God is glorified when his love is mirrored in human relationships in the form of selflessness, kindness, purity and truthfulness.

True love, God says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “is patient and kind. It … is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Love “does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Those words are ripe with practical application.

True love does not indulge self, but seeks God’s best for others.

True love serves; it does not demand to be served.

True love transcends feelings – including feelings of infatuation and desire – which can be selfishly motivated.

It’s sad that this even has to be said, but a man does not love a woman by using her. A woman does not love a man by indulging his, or her own, selfish, base desires.

To be clear, I am violating a normal rule of criticism today: I’ve not read E.L. James’ book, nor will I see the movie. I’m appalled by the mere premise of James’ story; the details don’t matter much.

Also for the sake of clarity: God actually invented romantic love. It’s a gift – not a playground – designed to be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage between a man and a woman. God’s design for romantic love is superior to any imitation that any culture contrives.

Does all of this sound prudish to you?

Before you dismiss it as such, hear this echo from times past: “Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush.”

Those are God’s words, via the prophet Jeremiah, who lived some 2,700 years ago among people with the same misconceptions about love, and the same base instincts, as people today.

Fast-forward to our day and take a quick look around. Popular opinion now skews favorably toward the erasure of gender roles, normalizing gay marriage, selling anything with sex – and legally silencing anyone who stands against this so-called social progression.

So before we dismiss God’s words about love as prudish, should we not at least consider whether our so-called social advancements have led us right back to where we were 2,700 years ago?

Is it possible that in our rush to be progressive, we’ve forgotten how to blush?

True love desires to give more than get.

True love seeks God’s best for others, not merely to indulge them.

True love transcends feelings, which at times are selfishly motivated.