Your niece simply wants better gifts

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, my niece told me that she didn’t get the nice gifts at her wedding that her sister did because they were living together, and married quickly due to my sister and her husband’s unhappiness at their arrangement. So she said she was going to renew her vows when they were married 10 years.

Well, that is this year. The subject was brought up when my family was together this past week. I told my sister and her husband that I didn’t believe it was proper to renew your vows at 10 years and expect guests to bring gifts.

My sister informed me that they weren’t doing that now, and that her daughter was having twins (she has two sons now) and they are having a baby shower. I was more receptive to a baby shower than pledging your vows and expecting a new toaster.

Am I out in left field on expectations of people renewing their vows?

GENTLE READER: What the purpose is of renewing vows is something Miss Manners has never understood. Wedding vows are supposed to be permanent (all evidence to the contrary). Where in the marriage contract is the renewal option?

But she at least supposed that the motivation was sentimental: “I’d marry you again tomorrow – or whenever we can book the hall.”

Your niece was engaging in no such fond foolishness. She simply wants people to buy her stuff, and one excuse will do as well as another. She even seems to be throwing her own baby shower, rather than depending on friends to do so.

The object strikes Miss Manners as the same in both cases, but your finding a difference gives you an excuse to retreat from carping about behavior you are unlikely to change.