Annie’s Mailbox: Husband plans move without wife

Dear Annie: My husband, “Harry,” and I have been married for 32 years. Recently, he lost his job because of disability. I work two jobs to support the family.

Six months ago, Harry suggested we sell our house and move to his old hometown two hours away. I refused because of my jobs and our children, who live near us. Harry says he spends too much time alone while I work. He also doesn’t like that I have the grandchildren over, saying I care more for them (and my job) than I do for him.

I know he feels bad because he cannot work, and I have tried to find him hobbies. He has been visiting his hometown twice a week. At first, I thought he had someone else on the side, but he says he just likes to be there. It’s comfortable. Now he says he is going to move to his hometown without me. He told me he still wants to “date” and stay in our home once a week so he can see the grandchildren and work on our marriage.

I am confused. It seems Harry isn’t sure he’s still in love with me. Now I will have to find a third job just to make the house payment. I am so hurt and angry. What should I do? – Nervous Nellie

Dear Nellie: We think Harry is depressed and adrift. His hometown provides a soothing cocoon and a reminder of better times. Right now, you need to consider your own welfare. We recommend you talk to an attorney to make sure you are protected. You may need to sell the house and move into a smaller, more affordable place. Decide whether you wish to “date” Harry, relocate to his hometown or divorce him. Some short-term counseling could help with these decisions, and although it would be useful for Harry to go with you, if he refuses, please go without him.