Annie’s Mailbox: Overweight friend must help himself

Dear Annie: We have a 54-year-old friend we are desperately trying to help. “Timothy” is morbidly obese at nearly 300 pounds. He suffers from related health issues: sleep apnea, high blood pressure, joint pain and constant fatigue. He is probably diabetic, but refuses to seek medical care. He also has a terrible, self-defeating attitude.

Timothy insists he’ll start an exercise regimen, but never does. He purchased an expensive stationary bike and a bench to do sit-ups, but the bench is in the closet, buried under tons of boxes and clothing, and the bike was never put together. He couldn’t do a sit-up if you paid him a million dollars. He admits he cannot bend down to tie his shoes

Timothy works at a low-paying job that he hates. We have been after him for years to freshen up his résumé and find better work. He says no one would hire him. The way he looks, he is probably right. Anytime we mention that he should start exercising, watch what he eats or start looking for better employment, it just makes him angry. He says he’ll do it when he’s ready.

We love him. He has a great sense of humor and a good heart. But at this rate, we doubt he will see 60. Is there anything we can do? – Desperate To Help

Dear Desperate: It must be terribly frustrating to know that you cannot force Timothy to change his ways, even for his own sake. Your comments only create pressure. Please stop pushing him to exercise or polish his résumé. Instead, suggest he get a complete checkup, because he seems depressed. Let him know how much you value and enjoy his company. Pick him up after work and take a long walk together and chat, or offer to be his workout buddy. Invite him over for a nutritious meal without lecturing him about it. Losing weight is the ultimate do-it-yourself project.