The Slice: Let’s make it a lucky thirteen

To ward off Friday the 13th misfortune, it helps to be familiar with 13 little-known Inland Northwest good luck superstitions.

Forget about avoiding sidewalk cracks, not walking under ladders and steering clear of black cats. Here’s the real deal.

1. To ensure that your beloved is true, slather tartar sauce on everything you eat today.

2. If you see a marmot, tug on your right ear lobe and say “Grand Coulee Dam.”

3. If you cannot find your shoes before the cock crows three times, just choose another pair.

4. Thump a cantaloupe twice and snarl like a cougar if you want to make sure the political candidates for whom you voted don’t say something insane after you mail in your ballot.

5. To succeed in business today, add more onion to the potato salad.

6. If you are at a Spokane park and a duck tells you that the feeding ban has been rescinded, don’t believe it.

7. Consider it a cautionary omen if your medical insurance folks send you a form declaring that they consider “farmer tan” a disqualifying pre-existing condition.

8. To combat a sour mood, wait for a crow to take a bite of your sandwich. Then toss one shake of pepper over your left shoulder.

9. To avoid getting certain looks, refrain from commenting on how KXLY’s Kate Hudson looks in tailored suits.

10. If you put a bottled beverage in the freezer to give it a frosty chill, tell your dog to remind you to take it out in five minutes.

11. If a squirrel successfully scampers across the street in front of your car, lift up your feet and say “Ram-a-lamma-ding-dong.”

12. If you are camping and a bear expresses a desire to access your bucket of huckleberries, hand it over.

13. To stave off misfortune today, do not do your pre-deathaversary impression of Elvis singing “Mystery Train” or answer any phone calls that your Caller I.D. displays as “Anonymous.”

Going back to bed and staying there is another good idea.

Today’s Slice question (suggested by Geoff Praeger): When driving, are you more likely to be courteous to another driver if he or she is driving the same kind of car that you do?