Kids benefit when parents get along

Dear Annie: My wife and I are in our late 40s, married 17 years, and have a 14-year-old son. We are not rich, but we have a beautiful home, new cars and many luxuries. Apparently, my wife still felt she was missing something.

I recently discovered she had been texting and calling her ex-husband, sometimes as often as 10 times a day, for the past 10 months. When I confronted her, she said she just wanted to catch up on old times. I can understand a phone call or two, but 50 of them is more than “How are you doing?” When pressed, my wife said she had met her ex for drinks a couple of times. She also admitted he had asked her to have sex, although she adamantly denies that she cooperated. I am pretty much convinced otherwise, but she’d never tell me because she knows I’d ask her to pack her bags.

The truth is, the intimacy we once had has diminished in recent years, so in a way, I don’t blame her. But my trust is completely gone and will never be restored. As far as I’m concerned, the marriage is over. However, I come from a divorced family and never want my son to experience that. So I told my wife we will remain together for his sake and divorce when he is older and it will have less impact.

Now she desperately wants to save the marriage, and I have absolutely zero interest in doing so. Is my suggestion the healthiest alternative for my son? If not, how do I minimize the detrimental effect a divorce would have? – For My Son’s Sake

Dear FMSS: Children benefit from a stable two-parent home, but you seem too angry to pull it off. Married or divorced, parents must demonstrate respect for each other and put the child’s interests first. If you “don’t blame” your wife for being dissatisfied, you might find a way to forgive her, and that would be the best outcome for everyone. Please consider counseling so you can work on that, whether you stay together or not.