Fast Break: Another update from Mr. Irrelevant
Mr. Irrelevant
And an incredible week it was
Editor’s note: Former University of Idaho linebacker David Vobora, the last pick in the NFL draft, has been dubbed Mr. Irrelevant and was feted last week with a variety of events in Southern California that concluded Saturday. Following is Vobora’s final report.
Ladies and Gentleman, I know it has been too long, and I am sure the suspense has been tough to handle, but I am back for a quick wrap-up of Irrelevant week XXXIII. My time in the limelight as Mr. I is officially in the record books and it has been a dandy. So welcome back to Irrelevant Week for the last time. A lot has gone on since my last message so we’ll get right to it.
It is Saturday evening and I am FINALLY able to take a deep breath! This week has been an absolute fairy tale and I cannot thank everyone involved enough.
I left off on Wednesday when I was heading to the Luxurious Lowsman Banquet, so let us pick it up there. The second I closed my computer on Wednesday I threw on my suit and left for the banquet. Four hundred people packed a banquet room for a fun-filled evening at my expense. A reporter asked if I had thought about that fact, and I answered by telling him to go get another couple hundred people and we’ll do it again tomorrow!
I always thoroughly enjoy laughing at my own expense, no matter the circumstance. There were a host of legendary people who filled the room for this event. From ex-football stars to politicians to all the biggest decision-makers in the area, it almost made a man feel relevant. I sat up on stage next to famous coach John Robinson, and as we talked they began to roll a clip that was entitled David’s Highlight tape. The “highlight” was the one play I will never get to forget. Of course, the play was against this gathering’s beloved Trojans when I missed an open-field tackle where CJ Gable juked me BAD. I am not shy to say BAD either … I mean BAD. Getting a good laugh out of it myself, I told the crowd that if you go to the Coliseum you can still find my jockstrap lying right there on the 5-yard line.
The night was filled with hilarious speeches that tore me down and built me back up. I may have enjoyed the jokes more than anyone in the room that evening because I know just what I am going to do on Sundays. My confidence in myself and my future is what makes me who I am and allows me to enjoy a great “roasting.”
Before I move on to the next wondrous adventure, I want to take a second to touch on something I feel is a bit forgotten in this whole Irrelevant week. Paul Salata and his daughter, Melanie Fitch, use this great event to bring an amazing amount of money to charity. The hoopla and fun become the forefront of Irrelevant Week, but I want everyone to know what the real reason is for putting on such a wonderful event. I hope more people will come to know of and support Irrelevant Week not only for the lucky guy each year, but more importantly for the huge impact for charity it truly is!
After my fourth night of approximately three or four hours of sleep, I woke up Thursday to my personal assistant (yeah, it’s rough having one of those) telling me to hurry and get ready. I could have used a bit (OK, maybe a lot) more beauty sleep because I was headed up to do a little showbiz at the NFL Network studios. I got to be on NFL Total Access with the one and only Rich Eisen. For those who don’t know, Rich Eisen is the face of the NFL Network, the Walter Cronkite for NFL fans. I got my makeup done for the first time, which was very interesting to say the least. And let me say this to all you women: Boy, am I glad I don’t have to do that every day! The cool thing was that they take your picture on a Polaroid, have you sign it and put it up on the wall with all the other stars who have got their makeup done in that same chair and have been on the show. If you’d like to watch the show, you can use our friend the Internet, go to NFLnetwork.com, click on “Total Access” and you’ll find Mr. Irrelevant’s interview. Also keep an eye out for a big Fox Sports Network special that will be airing soon.
I left TV stardom to head to the regatta for an amazing first sailing experience. Sailing was extremely peaceful … when you didn’t have to do anything! I was cranking this, grinding that, pulling up, pushing down – it was not easy at all (especially while constantly being on your guard for the giant pain-inflicting boom). But then I got to control the helm and all was right. We took off and made up some good ground in the race. I am going to say we won, or maybe I should say we got last. … I hear good things happen to people who go last.
From the Yacht club, we went to Surf City for one important mission. To crown a Miss Irrelevant XXXIII! Huntington Beach, Calif., hosted me for a wild night and a serious Miss I Pageant. These towns down here in Southern California are great – you tell them you’re Irrelevant and everyone wants a piece of you! But in all seriousness, myself and my close friend Roy discussed and debated on who most admirably deserved to be crowned after the five rounds of competition. Call me crazy, but yes, I awarded three lovely ladies (a package deal) who traveled all the way from Ireland to be here for the Miss I Pageant! OK, maybe they were coming already and someone from I-week picked them up hitchhiking in California and explained to them you don’t do that here, while also explaining to them about the amazing Mr. I, as well. You decide what to believe. Either way, it was fate. The night was fantastic and we logged in another 3 or so hours of rest.
I woke up early Friday morning for one reason. Like a little boy on Christmas morning, I sprung out of bed because I knew what was on the agenda for the day. A little date in heaven at the ONE, the ONLY, PLAYBOY MANSION. I know this is the bit of story everyone has been waiting for, but unfortunately I am sworn to secrecy to what REALLY went on in there Friday night. But it was an evening for the books. The part I will tell is that as Hugh Hefner’s private guest, I enjoyed a lovely tour, a marvelous dinner and a movie night with him and his gorgeous bunnies. What a way to wrap up the week! It is now Saturday, and I am kicking my feet up on the rail of my 15th-floor beach suite for the last night. I will refuse to the let dream die just yet, as I fade into a deep sleep that may last a couple days to recharge myself after this perfect whirlwind adventure! Thank you for staying with me during this fabulous experience, and finally, goodnight.