Annie’s Mailbox: Husband enjoys online ‘hobby’

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for nine years. We’ve had our ups and downs, like any couple. However, I recently caught my husband using our credit card to buy time on an adult Web site. This Web site allows users to see photos and video clips, and have private nude online chats with women. My husband then satisfies himself. I was crushed to learn of this.

My husband told me he does this because I don’t have enough sex with him. He wants sex every day.

I don’t know how to handle this. Pictures are one thing, but this is something else. I feel like he is cheating on me. The only thing missing is the woman physically being in the room. What do I do? – Married to a Porn Addict

Dear Married: It is a form of cheating when your husband is regularly having sex while watching or talking to another woman, and you are not involved. Your husband thinks because it is online, there are no consequences. He’s wrong. What’s worse is that some of these online porn sites are very addictive, and it may be difficult for your husband to give up his little hobby. Insist on counseling so you can work on your marriage, together, and figure out how to make things better for both of you.

Dear Annie: My fiancee, “Patti,” and I have been together for two years. We don’t plan to marry for a while. In the early stages of our relationship, she brought up the idea of taking a vacation to Mexico. I told her it would be great but suggested we pay our own way. (I don’t make that much money. She actually earns more than I do.) Patti apparently thought I should pay for both of us, but she never said so, and I had no idea. We never took the trip.

I recently found out this vacation was the catalyst for other money issues in our relationship. Patti accused me of being unwilling to pay for anything. Frankly, I don’t understand why, just because I am the man, I’m supposed to go broke paying for our entertainment, and I told her that.

I agree that in the beginning of a relationship, the man should pay for dinner, movies, etc., but at what point should the finances become equal? – Money Problems

Dear Money: It is unfair for a woman to expect a man to pay for dinners, movies and trips to Mexico when he has limited finances and she makes more than he does. No woman wants a boyfriend who is cheap, but she should not expect you to go into debt for her entertainment. This is irresponsible and inconsiderate. We strongly recommend you and Patti get couples counseling and work this out before you tie the knot.