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The Slice: This just in: Easter Bunny likes brunch
Easter is still 10 days away.
But some are already getting ready.
As a result of unbelievable luck, The Slice was able to conduct an e-mail interview with the Easter Bunny. Here is a transcript.
Slice: Hello. Thanks for agreeing to do this. Where are you today?
EB: I’m at my headquarters in Santa Monica.
Slice: Is Easter in danger of becoming the center of a cultural controversy along the lines of Christmas?
EB: There always will be people unnerved by the idea that there are those who don’t share their beliefs and attitudes. But the fact that Easter is always on a Sunday helps clarify things.
Slice: Speaking of clarifying … where exactly does the Easter Bunny fit in the story of this holiday?
EB: You should ask a child. I always get a kick out of hearing kids explain it. They know.
Slice: Do you produce your own chocolate?
EB: No. We used to, but costs just got out of control. Today it’s all handled through contract/licensing arrangements.
Slice: Is there one correct way to eat a chocolate bunny?
EB: Ears/head first. Butt first is pagan.
Slice: Do you ever get together with Santa and the Tooth Fairy for a round of golf or something?
EB: I usually try to go skiing with the big guy at least once a year. But I don’t see the Tooth Fairy on a regular basis. After a while, hearing about somebody else’s cash-flow problems gets old.
Slice: Do you worry about contributing to childhood obesity?
EB: No. Easter baskets aren’t the cause of sedentary lifestyles.
Slice: Do people ever confuse you with Bugs Bunny?
EB: The wascally wabbit? No. Bugs is a cartoon character. I’m a beloved seasonal icon evolved from many cultures’ celebrations of faith, fertility and jelly beans.
Slice: What do you say to a child who sees you hiding Easter eggs?
EB: “Go back to bed, kid.”
Slice: Who is your favorite TV character?
EB: Tony Soprano.
Slice: What’s your favorite meal?
EB: Brunch.
Slice: What happens to stuffed bunnies after their owners stop playing with them?
EB: Their spirits move on to animate other children’s toys.
Slice: Is it troubling that some religious people denounce you?
EB: Well, let me tell you. Some religious types are consumed with anger and a desire to fight. They’re missing the point, I’d say.
“Today’s Slice question: What happened after years and years to suddenly improve your opinion of someone?