Vocal Point: Music as a weapon? Sure
I love music; don’t you?
There is music about love, loss and every emotion in between. It can tell stories and teach timeless truths. Music can symbolize national unity or be a call to arms. It can be many things, including a pain in the neck when it’s the wrong tune at the wrong time in the wrong place.
Music, or what passes as music, is everywhere – and do I mean everywhere! We’re exposed to it at airports, restaurants, supermarkets, gas stations, the lake, wherever – it’s practically omnipresent. Worse, cell phones no longer “ring,” they twist-and-shout and dance a little jig. That ‘90’s e-mail greeting “You’ve got mail” is now quaint and passe; today’s computers can announce the news in earth-shattering 5.1 channel surround sound.
Perhaps our sonic zeal is rooted in those early 20th century studies showing music increases worker productivity. To be effective, the tempo and style must match the time of day, one reason it’s unlikely you’ll hear a raging rock-and-roll song with a strong back beat at 7 a.m. in the office elevator. To be fair, you won’t hear a Wagner opera then, either. As Winthrop Sargent, the famous New York music critic once said “Who wants to hear Parsifal in the morning?”
If you want proof music can be a weapon, consider our very own Army. When Manuel Noriega, the Panamanian dictator and drug pusher, was holed up in a church, the Army surrounded the building with humongous speakers playing rock ‘n’ roll. He surrendered within a week. This not only demonstrated the power of song, but proved Noriega was a member of the undead because, under a similar onslaught of ear-splitting gut-wrenching guitar, any self-respecting adult would have given up immediately.
Nowadays many stores and communities use classical music as a weapon, too, since no self-respecting teen would be caught dead within a mile of Parsifal. Teens have counter attacked by arming their cars with the loudest speakers in the universe and driving – slowly – by those same stores and communities.
Likewise, stores catering to the wallets of the young use music to bring them in and drive their elders out. I kid you not. My wife and I were shopping for a DVD the other day and there were two – count ‘em two – stereos blasting music loud enough to demonstrate the store owners had definitely heard about Manuel Noriega. It was very effective, too. After only a few minutes, we gave up our quest and beat a hasty retreat. It’s unlikely their approach hurts their revenue much, as the AARP generation spends far less on home entertainment then younger folk do.
On the background music front, only those who know the words can truly be overcome by the fumes of sanitized, instrumental-only versions of songs like “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” or “Every Breath You Take.” For those who don’t, it probably sounds like something either their parents or Clay Aiken fans might like – sort of like oatmeal with prunes.
Songs often become hits through a combination of current events, lyrics, singer, band and producer; in the hands of the background music industry they become eviscerated by Prozac addicts with guitars. (Note to parents: Just wait until they get hold of the music of Kanye West or Christina Aguilera! Perhaps this is what is meant by the expression “revenge is a dish best served cold”).
The keepers at the Valley Mall avoid the pitfalls of sanitized background music by playing original recordings. This produces an ambience that’s mildly annoying when they play music I know and really annoying when they play music I dislike. Since it’s usually sotto voce and I believe in diversity, I deal with it, though I still haven’t figured out if I’m supposed to shop more, spend more, shop faster or leave sooner.
So here’s a tip for our illustrious city council persons. If they really want to avoid terminally-boring council meetings and keep long-winded clowns out of their chambers, there’s a very simple and fool-proof way: bring in the biggest, baddest boombox they can find and crank up Parsifal right after the opening prayer.
Guaranteed to work, every time.