Spending time in jail would be no picnic for Junior
“I’m stuck at Folsom prison, and time keeps draggin’ on.” – from “Folsom Prison Blues” by Johnny Cash
Aw, cut John Powers the junior some slack.
A recent front-page story tells us that a Superior Court judge sprang the son of Spokane’s former mayor after the lad had spent only 16 minutes in jail on a burglary beef.
But so what? That doesn’t mean the 23-year-old Powers didn’t suffer.
Time moves at a much slower rate for those cooling their heels in the Manacle Motel.
On the outside, 16 minutes is barely a lunch break at Burger King.
On the inside, 16 minutes can feel more like 16 years. It’s a scientific fact. Ask Johnny Cash.
Thank God Judge Neal “Catch and Release” Rielly had the compassion to step in and save the ex-mayor’s son from the horrors of the overnight stay that usually comes with being booked into jail on suspicion of first-degree burglary. Three more minutes and who knows what might have happened? The kid could have become hardened and institutionalized.
Rielly claims Junior’s quick exit had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his daddy was Spokane’s first strong mayor, the honorable John Powers the senior.
Shame on anyone for thinking Rielly misused his judicial Powers of influence. Why, I bet he’d do the same thing for even a City Council member’s kid.
This is not the proper venue to rehash the unfortunate facts surrounding this case of alleged Johnfoolery. Let the dumb and blind scales of justice determine whether Powers the junior broke into the home of Joseph Green one night and thumped on him like a candy-filled piñata.
Our mission today is a deeper one. And that is to explore what travails the former mayor’s son might have endured during his 16 minutes of hard time.
May the following serve as a warning to the youth of America. Incarceration – no matter how long you’re in for – is no Carnival cruise.
The Jailhouse Journal of John Powers the Junior.
Minute 1: “So this is it. The Joint. The Big House. The Hoosegow. The Slammer. The Calaboose. The Hole. The Clink. The Can. The Pokey. The Tank. The Cooler. The …”
Minute 2: “The walls are closing in. I can’t breathe. And it’s going to cost me four cartons of smokes for cable TV. I’m in hell!”
Minute 3: “Gimme your worst, you lousy screws. Feed me creamed Spam on toast. You won’t break me!”
Minute 4: “Don’t look at me that way, Bubba. I think you’re a swell cellmate. But that doesn’t mean I’ll wear a formal and be your date for the jail spring mixer.”
Minute 5: “Working in the machine shop is really cool. It’s amazing how sharp you can file down the end of a toothbrush.”
Minute 6: “I don’t know how I’d get through this ordeal without my trusty old harmonica. Nobody knows da trouble I’s seen. No-body knows but Jesussss.”
Minute 7: “Why, lookie there. A mouse. Maybe I can teach it to do tricks like Mr. Jingles in ‘The Green Mile.’ Come here, little fellah. Come to Junior and … “
Minute 8: “Ouch! Damn rat bit me.”
Minute 9: “Those guards are such goons. I smuggled my spoon out of dinner right under their stupid noses. Ha! Now I can tunnel my way out of this loony bin.”
Minute 10: “Scratch the tunnel plans. Guess that’s why they give us plastic spoons.”
Minute 11: “Oh, boy, movie night. Crud! Not ‘Shawshank Redemption’ again.”
Minute 12: “No, Bubba. For the last time, I will not bend over and pick up your soap.”
Minute 13: “Barney, this con on D-Block, gave me my first jailhouse tattoo. He tattooed the four knuckles of each of my hands to read T-H-U-G and L-I-F-E. How tough is that? Wait a minute. That idiot misspelled my tattoo. Oh, no. it reads T-H-U-G, W-I-F-E.”
Minute 14: “I can’t let the other cons see me like this. My only chance is to make a papier-mâché dummy and leave it in my bed. Then I’ll carve a gun out of soap, crawl through the prison sewer system and swim across the Spokane River to freedom or …”
Minute 15: “Wait a minute. I almost forgot. I’m the former mayor’s son.”
Minute 16: “… Free at last. Free at last. Bless you Judge Rielly. Junior’s free at last!”