Ken, By All That’s Holy, Go A Day Without A Stoli

So what’s the lesson here - that motorcycles are dangerous? That physical pain is debilitating? That some television stars are self-absorbed, manipulative jerks?

Maybe all three when it comes to the case of former “Wiseguy” Ken Wahl, 40.

As you’ll recall, Wahl was arrested for allegedly pulling a knife on a Los Angeles-area bartender who refused to served him because he was drunk. Wahl says he drinks to relieve the pain from a 1992 motorcycle accident.

“Vodka, and only vodka” is the cure, he told Entertainment Weekly. As for being alcoholic, Wahl said, “I don’t think I am. I know I am. So what?… This may be my last day on Earth and if it is, the people that supposedly care for me should want me to be painless.”

Loose talk

RuPaul on Richard Avedon wanting to photograph him in a housecoat, without a wig (in Allure magazine): “He said I was more beautiful than he’d ever seen me. Of course, I didn’t let him take pictures of me with my wig off. I’m either in drag or out of drag, but never in between.”

What kind of cake? Why, Spamcake, of course!

Terry Jones turns 55 today.

And that funny thing is aptly named Whoopi

Whoopi Goldberg is quick with a comeback. The movie star has moved back to the New York stage to replace Nathan Lane in a revival of the musical “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.” When asked if she would play her role, a slave named Pseudolus, as a woman, Goldberg replied, “Yes, and wasn’t I convincing?”

She’s even considering a name change - to Saint Joan

So what has Paula Barbieri been up to? Aside from convincing a publishing house to print her memoirs, O.J. Simpson’s ex-squeeze - whose nude picture once hung in his living room - has been… well, let her lawyer, Larry Stein, explain. “I think she’s been studying the Bible a lot, going to church a lot, reflecting a lot,” Stein said.

Bradbury’s e-mail address: Rayb@misanthrope.com

In, of all things, a benefit appearance to aid San Jose’s Tech Museum of Innovation, science-fiction writer Ray Bradbury dismissed Internet cyberchatting. “Who do you want to talk to?” Bradbury said. “All those morons who are living across the world somewhere? You don’t even want to talk to them at home.”

Maybe they thought it was just another stupid trick

While preparing for his 15-year anniversary, David Letterman’s CBS employers requested tapes of his old shows from NBC. But NBC said no. “We’re very disappointed,” Rob Burnett, executive producer of the “Late Show,” told the New York Times.

I say, Jeeves, doesn’t it get a bit cramped down there?

And our quote of the day comes from the New York Times: “If you bed people of below-stairs classes, they go to the papers, don’t they?” It comes from Jane Clark, whose husband, Alan Clark, a Tory candidate for the British parliament, is accused of conducting extramarital affairs.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Color Photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster