The Slice All The Good School Tricks Have Been Used Already

Here’s a hint for high school students.

Don’t insert “As if you’re really reading all this” in the middle of a long report on some boring subject.

We did that once. And let’s just say it didn’t help our grade.

So take it from your old pal, Uncle Slice. Teachers already have enough reasons to whip out their red pens. Don’t throw fat on the fire.

We’re pretty sure he meant “gymnasium”: Kelly Jenkins was talking with her 6-year-old son, Josh, when the lad reported that his kindergarten class regularly had physical education sessions. She asked him where they did it. “In the museum,” he said.

Then again, maybe that was just a wry commentary on the shaky support P.E. has in the ‘90s among those who determine curriculum.

In Spokane, a young man earns a reputation as a “fun guy” by:

a.) carrying a putter at all times.

b.) having a wacky unemployed roommate who tells almost believable stories about growing up in Metaline Falls.

c.) referring to his car as the “Davemobile” or whatever.

d.) insisting on going to hear only obscure bands.

e.) saying “chicks” and winking a lot.

f.) fidgeting, smirking and saying “Do you want me to bring out Mr. Montana?”

g.) changing hairstyles twice a month.

h.) other.

Rewriting geography: If, instead of “Idaho,” the land of “Famous Potatoes” were called “New” something - you know, like New York or New Jersey - what would follow “New”?

Hmmm. New Utah? New Manitoba? New California? OK, OK. We’ll pipe down and let you answer.

Three reasons to turn off oldies that include “Saturday” in their titles:

1.) “Saturday Night” by the Bay City Rollers.

2.) “Saturday Night Special” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

3.) “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” by Elton John.

OK, we admit it. We used to like example No. 3. But that was in a previous life. We used to watch the Monkees’ TV show, too, and you don’t hear us bringing that up, do you?

Today’s Slice question: If someone called you a “Spokanehead,” what would you guess that meant?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color photo

MEMO: The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. One way to scare certain people around here is to whisper the word “SouthTown.”