It’s A Metaphor For Your Identity

Dear Nancy: Currently, my life is feeling pretty unstable. My boyfriend is 19 years younger than me and we’ve lived together for several months. At first, we were very much in love. But our age difference and his lack of a firm commitment to our relationship has eroded our feelings for each other. Though he tells me he loves me, I am feeling very insecure in the relationship and unsure of myself. I’ve had this dream several times. The details may vary, but it is always the same story. - Theresa

I am out in a social setting and somehow I’ve lost my purse. I ask everyone around me if they have seen it and they answer “No.” I’m frantically looking everywhere for it as it has my identification, credit cards and money in it. My boyfriend is there and helps me look for it. I feel totally useless and worthless because I’ve lost it. I wake up with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Dear Theresa: This is a classic dream that shows up at times when people are feeling a loss of identity. We carry our identification and other valuables in our purses and wallets. In dreams, losing these items suggests loss of our identity and with it the knowledge of who we are as an individual.

It also suggests that you are losing what is personal and valuable to you. Ask yourself, “Am I losing the sense of who I am? How can I protect my own interests? How am I losing what has value to me?”

The fact that this dream has recurred several times is a signal from your psyche that this is an issue that needs attention.

In your dream, your boyfriend wants to help you find the purse. There is nothing to indicate that he is trying to steal your identity. Are you a person who tends to give yourself away in relationships? Do you always bend to meet your partner’s needs and let your own needs go? This is very common, especially for women.

I suggest, Theresa, a reevaluation of your own priorities and values. What do you want and need to have a satisfying, content life? How can you nourish yourself (your true self)? You may find that by talking to a friend, minister or therapist you can restore your sense of self.

Tips for readers: Important days such as birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and New Year’s can be a great time to “incubate” dreams. Dream incubation is the process of asking for a dream regarding a specific issue, person or direction in life.

Be sure to write your question down so you don’t forget what you asked. I put my questions on a folded piece of paper under my pillow.

Here are some of my favorite birthday dream requests:

I would like to receive a wondrous and extraordinary birthday gift in my dream.

How can I best take care of myself this year?

I would like to have a dream showing me what is coming up for me this year.

How can I best inspire myself and my creativity this year?

What should I be focusing on this year?

There are many questions we can ask our inner self. Asking for dreams on important days of the year seems to add significance to our requests. Have fun experimenting with this and if you don’t get a dream the first night, don’t be discouraged. Keep asking!

This column is intended as entertainment. But psychologists who work with clients’ dreams say that dreams can hold a tremendous amount of significance; a particularly disturbing or repetitive dream may indicate the need to see a therapist.

, DataTimes MEMO: Dreams may be sent to Nancy Huseby Bloom c/o The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615, or fax, (509) 459-5098. Please send a short summary of the circumstances in your life and include your name, address and phone number. For information on Nancy’s dream groups, call 455-3450.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Nancy Huseby Bloom The Spokesman-Review