Chea Seats

Swedish meatballs

Some meaty prizes awaited the top two finishers in the recent Swedish Alpine Ski Championships.

The winner of each women’s and men’s race at Idre near the Norwegian border received an elk - either frozen meat or an opportunity to shoot one during the elk hunting season next fall. The second-place finishers were awarded reindeer meat.

Each third-place finisher won a free golfing weekend at Idre, which opened one of the world’s northernmost 18-hole courses a few years ago.

Officials are looking into the possibility of race-fixing among vegetarians in the field.

The Final Foursome

With the college basketball season over, coaches can focus on something really important: their golf games. Syracuse’s Jim Boeheim and Maryland’s Gary Williams are part of a group - which includes current and former Big East commissioners Mike Tranghese and Dave Gavitt - that plays in Britain each summer.

Naturally, there are stories. Gavitt conjured up a couple from last year.

“We were playing Royal Liverpool at Hoylake,” he recalled. “Michael’s a terrific player, a 4-handicap. But he just keeps missing putts. When he missed a 5-footer on the 11th hole, he lost it. The rest of the day, he putted with either his 5-wood or driver. And he still broke 80!

“Now about the time that Michael gave away his putter, Gary started topping tee shots. After his third straight top, he wound up with his new Big Bertha titanium-shaft 3-wood and fired it. It caught the ball-washer and snapped in two.

“After the round, they go into the pro shop. Gary buys a 3-wood for $350. Michael buys a putter for $125. The pro smiles and says: ‘I’m happy to sell this to you lads, but a lesson would have been a lot cheaper.”’

Williams got equipment advice from a different source at Turnberry.

“Gary hit a low slider off the tee that was heading toward a huge fairway pot bunker,” Gavitt said. “He was yelling, ‘Get right!’ His caddy didn’t say a word, just gave the safe sign. But before we’d taken five steps off the tee, the caddy bangs Gary on the arm and says: ‘Laddy, for your sake, never play with deaf balls.”’

Make up your mind

In the past 15 months, Detroit Tigers general manager Randy Smith twice has traded Phil Plantier, once traded for him and once acquired him as a free agent.

Real men play in the CBA

Matt Fish, a CBA veteran on a 10-day contract with the Denver Nuggets, believes NBA players are spoiled.

“The CBA is kind of the man’s league, the way I look at it, because these guys are babies,” Fish said. “They’re pampered. These guys couldn’t believe, when we went to Canada, they actually had to get their own bags and check through an airport.

“We always carried our bags in the CBA. We fly coach. Here, your uniforms are clean all the time. I had to buy my own socks in the CBA.”

Matt, with your game, you should have had to buy your own ball.

The last word …

“Are you sure you’re using the right arm?” - Ex-Mariner Dave Henderson, teasing now ex-Mariner Luis Polonia about his throwing

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo