Dear Kiantha: Microagressions at work all too common for Black women

Dear Kiantha,

I accepted a position as the director of community affairs for an affiliate of an international nonprofit organization. I am the only woman of color in leadership. The level of textbook microaggressions I experience daily makes me so uncomfortable in my dream job.

When I try to explain what I am experiencing to my supervisor who is the executive director, he dismisses my experiences by saying, “We all need to do our best to work better together.” He also states that I am being “emotional” when I bring the microaggressions or racially motivated behaviors to his attention.

In our check in last week, he shared with me that multiple staff, who happen to all be white women, have reported that my tone is off-putting, demanding and aggressive. I assure you it is not. My supervisor seems to protect them and their fragility, all while excusing their behavior toward me, which leaves me on the losing end of a battle I don’t even want to fight. How do I move forward with people who insist on using negative stereotypes to define me?

Dear Friend,

This is one time I wish that I couldn’t relate, but, alas, I can. I understand all too well exactly what you are experiencing. I have had a very similar situation happen to me. It has also been the experiences of many of my friends who are also Black women in leadership positions. We’ve been called hostile, ill-tempered, aggressive and emotional, especially when we call these behaviors out in others.

Nearly all Black women in leadership positions within predominantly white institutions and organizations are part of a club that we did not seek membership to. In this club, our Black voices, disposition and outspoken demeanors are misread and used as weapons against us. We are often required to walk softly and speak even softer for the comfort of people who do not understand our natural cultural expressions.

The angry Black woman stereotype has haunted and penetrated many parts of American culture including the workplace. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Black women make up nearly 7% of the workforce and we remain underrepresented in leadership positions.

A particular experience I had in the workplace that sticks out for me was during a time that I worked in what I also thought was my dream job. I was given feedback about my “face” (their words not mine). When I asked the person giving the feedback to elaborate, she stated that my “face is serious and does not lend well to collaboration,” to which I had no choice but to respond that it was the only “face” I had. Talk about textbook microaggressions.

Moving in spaces with people who insist on using negative stereotypes to define us is complicated because often our success is in part based on navigating those spaces. We must stay true to who we are, our cultural expression, our voice and our character because diversity enriches the spaces we occupy. Always know that the rooms are better when we are in them.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To submit a question, email DearKiantha@gmail.com. To read this column in Spanish, visit spokesman.com.